I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
