It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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