mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
