I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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