Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
