I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
