i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
