I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
