How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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