I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
