Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
