Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
