you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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