just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
