just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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