So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
