Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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