I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
