And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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