dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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