Will you blow on my dice?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
