i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
