last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
