you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
