it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
