Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
