Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
