you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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