these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
