So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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