sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
