Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
