YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
