I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
