You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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