I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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