I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
