sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
