I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
