I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
