we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
