I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
