youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
