Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
