I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
