I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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