it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
