its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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