Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
