We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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