when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
