Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
