You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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