Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
