I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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