I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
