So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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