i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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